Reflections on where we are

where we are by George Locklin

i envy those who live in two places:
new york, say, and london;
wales and spain;
l.a. and paris;
hawaii and switzerland.

there is always the anticipation
of the change, the chance that what is wrong
is the result of where you are. I have
always loved both the freshness of
arriving and the relief of leaving with
two homes every move would be a homecoming
i am not even considering the weather, hot
or cold, dry or wet; i am talking about home.

This poem holds great meaning to me, it has since I was 17 years old. I anticipate it always will. It speaks to my love of travel and of the familiar. Yet at this time in my life it is more bittersweet than it is whimsical. For the majority of my adult life I've been some what of a nomad, from the greater L.A. area to San Diego, to Buenos Aires, back to San Diego, up to the Bay Area, and out to Texas. All places I have called, and still call, home. I understand the hope aspect of the poem. However, what I believe lays just under the surfaces is the rooting, the attachment to each place that one feels.

When I am asked "where are you from?" I don't know how to answer the question. Where am I from?  Am I from my hometown, where I "grew up"? Am I from San Diego, where I went to college, embarked on my life journey on my own? Am I from Buenos Aires, where I immersed myself in a new culture and language, found a new familia? Am I from the Bay Area, where I grew further, and choose the direction of my future? Am I from Texas, where I live and study, whereI am defining my path? I am still not sure how to answer the question, no doubt I wont know for the next few years. I do know that each time I anticipate my arrival and its accompanying "freshness." I am excited to go home again. Still I am not sure where to locate myself. But I know all of these places have been home, and will continue to be so. I know I live in at least two places -- it plays on my heart strings daily.  I know one day I will have to choose a home over a place to live.

Once I decide on that new home, maybe I will be jealous of those who live in two places; but maybe I will be satisfied, or even relieved. Satisfied in knowing that I have lived in five places. Living in more than one places is as exhausting as it is exhilarating, as comforting as it is confusing, and as hopeful as it is alienating. It is hard to have an almost tethered heart. Yet, if this is my hardship then I gladly embrace, I will learn from it and enjoy it.

Note to Self: See more live music -- Summer Solstice

Wonderful summer solstice, was spent on Indian Rock drinking a delicious a beer with my love. And after that we came home to a lovely and relaxing evening.

Then whilst listening to one of my favorite bands tonight, The Black Keys, I was brought back to a wonderful live performance they gave this spring. The reality of the situation is, I don't go to live shows enough -- especial for how much I love music. I can count on my fingers how many live shows I've been to, not including shows at coffee shops.

That is unfortunate, however it does appear that my luck will be changing this fall after I move -- especially if I can find a bartending position downtown. Live music capitol of the world, here I come! And I am so excited! There is something that is just so wonderful about live music, especially if they're playing a song that speaks to you. I remember watching Bon Iver this spring, and it fit the mood perfectly. I'd never heard of them before, but when I sat down to listen I was captivated. It was a haze, abnormally warm evening and there I sat with my love taking in the scene: the people, the lights, the stage, the night sky, everything was enhanced by just one thing - the music.

Here's the song that inspired the post, Meet Me in The City by The Black Keys

Cooking fail: The first time I made Raspberry Lemonade Bars

It was a long streak and I finally broke it. Ladies and gentlemen, I had a cooking fail. It's bigger yet, a baking, cooking fail. It was unheard of since I made my first batch of eclairs in high school, but it happened. I made the first of my summer treats, these beautiful raspberry lemonade bars.

Mine, unfortunately, do not look that beautiful. But that is just fine, because they taste delicious! I suppose I was too impatient and that the ridges in the pan had something to do with it. It looks sad because the topping/filling actually seeped underneath the crust, and the crust instead became the "filling" - sandwiched between two layers of the raspberry lemonade-ness.

An explosion of red!

Oh well! Can't win them all, I've learned my lesson and will apply it to the next batch I make! My love made me feel better about it, he told me that when his mom made lemon bars sometimes they looked terrible, other times beautiful, but it didn't really matter since they tasted delicious!

Good Tunes

I saw some great bands about a month or so ago. After a long week like this one, there's nothing like good tunes from those bands and a glass of wine. Relax and unwind time, enjoy.

Be mellow and wonderful.

Goin' to Texas...in August

Man alive, the last few months have been very busy! My trip to Austin was great, and it made the impossible possible; I'm moving to Texas in August. If you'd have told me four years ago that I'd be moving to Austin, TX in 2012 I would have laughed in your face, slapped you, told you you'd had too much to drink, or all three. But, it's happening folks!

My USC trip was nice, my Texas trip was a whirlwind and it was great! I just felt more myself at the campus and when interacting with the faculty. I had a chance to have a one-on-one with two professors and my department chair, I honestly think it was my department chair that sealed the deal for me. He was a composed, honest, and genuine man who told it to me straight and even knew who I was the first time I spoke to him -- quite impressive to me. Additionally, I was able to stay with two current students and they were great hostesses were able to answer my questions honestly and freely, and eager to show me the city and include me in program activities. The program at UT - Austin is less policy based than that of USC, which is something I'm really excited for since it will allow me to also pursue/specialize in urban or sustainable design as well -- something that wasn't possible at USC. I'm thrilled with my decision, but at the same time sad to leave CA and my new (well paying) job. Ah well, I'm hopeful that this will lead to great things down in the future! So, Texas it is in beginning/mid-August!

Now, that that decision is made, we'll move on to other important things. WE MOVED!! I am thrilled about it, we moved back in mid April to Berkeley. At the time it was equidistance from my work and E's. Now his is a little further, but hopefully he'll either be switching offices or moving to a better position, both would be in the city so fingers crossed for that. Our apartment and Berkeley are a marked improvement from San Jose. This one is only about $250/mo more than our old place, it's bigger, has a dishwasher, AND a washer and dryer! It's great, plus we live in Berkeley. There's delicious food everywhere, great local shops some nice restaurants right across the street from our place, and it's only at 20 minute BART ride to downtown San Francisco. The fact that I don't have to commute three hours a day is fantastic!

As the semi-known date of my departure draws near, I go into a panic of things/activities I need to do before I leave. Wine country, some SF sights, see my family. And the weekends are getting so full I'm not sure I'll have time to relax before I leave. But, I guess I'd rather have done everything I wanted to and have great memories of CA than spend all my time in the apartment then being frustrated when I arrive in TX. Here's to a busy few more months! Hopefully, I'll remember to keep up the blogging. It should be easier now that things have calmed down a bit. Fingers crossed.

Little Miracles and Adventures

Life got crazy for a minute, a positive, but at times stressful, type of crazy. First things first, while I was hearing back from schools something else happend: I found a FULL TIME position! Yup, full time 8-5 in the city and I couldn't be any more thrilled. I'm working with one of my friends from college (I'm pretty sure that she's the reason I got the job), and meeting wonderful people! The only negative about it is that I've been commuting from SJ to SF M-F. It's a round trip of 3 hours. BUT WAIT there's a solution, because I got the job, the hours, and the increase in pay WE GET TO MOVE! And indeed we are, to Berkeley! We move next weekend, it's not the city but we compromised because E is working down in Fremont. I think it's a pretty fair compromise, especially because I just got word that (until further notice) I will be working the 8-5 shift and NOT the 6-3 shift. That was a huge relief to hear. Oh and the new digs has three amazing amenities: a washer, a dryer, AND a dishwasher! It's like we're grown ups now. So those are my little miracles: the job, the move, and the amenities. 

[Sidenote: it is a little miracle in and of it self that a) that  am blogging, and b) that I am blogging on a plane using said plane's wifi, mind blown.]

Now, onto my little adventures. Well, to start, working in the city is a constant adventure. There are always new people walking around and an ever changing display of wall art. I haven't really had a chance to have a proper adventure near my place of employment, but after our move (which will be another adventure in and of itself) I plan on exploring the area surrounding my work more thoroughly (happy hour, anyone?) 

Next on the list is, my jet-setting weekday/endish adventures. So a quick recap: I applied to four graduate schools, and was accepted to USC and UT - Austin. I am, as I type, in the midst of traveling from visiting USC to vist UT - Austin; this is all happening on the same day. LA was a quick visit, and I mean less than 24 hours quick. I landed on Wednesday night at about 6:25 and stayed with my Aunt and Uncle before the visit. This morning, my best friend drove down from Santa Barbar to hang out with me for 45 minutes before my official visit began. It was great, and really meant alot to me, since we haven't seen each other in over a year! It was nice to actually befriends in real life and not just over the phone!

The visit to USC was great, it was a very comfortable campus to be on, strikingly beautiful buildings, friendly faculty and students; even listening to doctoral students practice their thesis dissertations was interesting. I actually got excited/nervous butterflies when I was listening to one! I also was in the same room as my potential graduate advisor! We didn't really have a chance to speak because she was directing a seminar, but thats alright. After being in the same room as her, I was instantly relieved! From her picture, I thought she was going to be really intimidating but overall she seems to be a great guiding figure for her students. General feeling right now: I can definitely see myself studying there. 

Now, I am en route to Austin, a city I've never visited before but am constantly hearing great reviews about. Needless to say, I am very excited about this trip. I've also heard great things about the school, and I will be spending all day tomorrow on their campus! Very exciting, and I'm sure informative as well. I'm looking forward to it, and hopefully I'll update about it as well. 

I think we're in Texas airspace now! According to my flight tracker, we just flew over San Antonio! Super excited!

Hook 'em Horns! UT - Austin!

I came home from a great day to a nerve-racking email from UT - Austin: "Graduate application decision from UT - Austin," it said. It was a vague email that directed me to the website. I was nervous, but I prepared myself for the worst thinking "well, at the least you have USC". When I logged into the Application status page nothing had changed from the last time. But then I clicked on "admissions" and there it was "Congratulations!"  

It's official, I have choices for where I decide to pursue my graduate degree in the fall! I could be come a Texas Long Horn! I can only hope that the good news keeps coming in!